Watching my youngest getting her horse riding lesson. Always a hoot other than being eaten by the farm bugs. She is currently on a Percheron, a heavy horse, and watching a ten year old on one of those is like a flea on an elephant.

My eldest has decided she is not interested in the horses. She thinks herself too much of a girlie girl for this.

As for myself, I have not been on a horse now for a couple of months. I am probably due as my belly is expanding too much and I could use the exercise. It is either this or I shovel shit from the horse stalls, and at least riding smells better. All this said it is a bit disappointing that I have put some of my weight back on.

About ten years ago I was near 300 pounds. No joke. In 2004, I bottomed out at around 180 and am now in the 230 range. Have to nip it in the bud, to coin a phrase. Too many Big Macs or something, but it has to stop or some of these eros fantasies I write about will never happen, nor be repeated.

It was written, somewhere, that better shape somehow increases the libido. Pure guess, I would say it is confidence related. I have not felt a drop in my libido, but have found myself getting more self conscious about the belly, so how much longer before the libido does shrivel?

I always find that the weight increases proportionately with comfort. Perhaps I am simply too comfortable and need to shake that up. The problem then, however, is the eating is also stress related. Anyone regularly reading my non-fiction posts knows I recently fired my employer…er, left a less than satisfactory position which was causing me some serious stress. Jury is out on the new one as it looked great before I got to it…seemed disastrous after the first month…but now seems to be slowly turning around to something possible.

Suffice to say, stress is still somewhat high at the moment, but finally seems to be lowering with each order I receive.

The other issue I have is country living. Been more than a year now, and it has grown lonely. I miss when I could catch a five minute bus to the cineplex or walk ten minutes to the pub. Not certain I need structure…as someone suggested joining a group or volunteering…but I need people. I admit it…I miss the millions living in Toronto. The eight hundred or so, in the town where I am…nice as they are, just are not cutting it.

We’ll see what happens, but were I a betting man I would say I will have a one bedroom apartment somewhere in Scarborough (eastern section of Toronto) by summer’s end if not before.

Unfortunately, that might bring the horse riding lessons to an end, but considering how my head went awol earlier this week, it may bring back my sanity.

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