You could be the rock…
– Mike + the Mechanics
Thought I would finally post a picture of my daughters on here. This photo is from April of 2009, so they are a little bigger now. They are on the beach looking out over Lake Ontario just a little west of Toronto’s most famous land mark, the CN Tower.
The two in this picture, obviously, are my pride and joy…my reason for being…the only two women who will ever matter to me consistently. Little Scarlett, in the blue, will be going in to grade six in September…her sister, Aurora, will be entering middle school (grade seven) but has been accepted at a school specific to the arts…so you may see her on stage or screen when I am older and grayer. Being I will be turning 41 in three months and am already significantly gray, not sure how much grayer, but whatever…
Since my first divorce, there have been a few women that have kept me in check where these two are concerned. I have no sympathy for the “dead-beat dad” at all. The one who ignores or neglects his children because they remind him of a mistake, I will not support. However, I will admit that it is not always easy when I only get them one night a week and every second weekend. Out of sight, out of mind, has more truth than I care to mention some times.
I will start with the most obvious, my mother…all mother’s have issues with their kids. Sons, from what I hear, have an easier time than daughters do with these issues. My mother is no different, but generally she has been amazing. She listens, most of the time, and offers some sound shoulder to lean on when the time comes. She and I are too much alike in some ways…my brother is more like my dad…but generally she is a friend now, and not really a parent any longer. She is a wonder for me with these two little girls. She quickly points out when I am not thinking of them as I should, and is there if I need help with them without any notice. She does not agree with everything I say to my girls…she’s Catholic and I’m not…but she supports what I do with them even on the spiritual side.
There was also my grandmother…my mother’s mother…who I was very close to. Like my mother, she was a short little Irish woman…very Catholic. Her’s is the only funeral I have cried at, so far, back in 2007. She was 92 but my selfish wants for her to live longer took over…I still wish she was around. When I was in my early 20s and back living in Calgary, I used to go with her and her younger sister (grandma was 76, her sister was 75) to the mall as their 21 year old body guard…they would buy me lunch. At the time, it was the closest thing I had to a social life and I loved the fact that, at six foot I could stand in the middle of clothing racks and still see each tiny woman as they wandered off to look at clothes they would never buy. I first realized the importance of my grandma when she was the first family member to not only ask me to read her Tarot cards…but to encourage me to explore my spirituality outside the Catholic church that I was brought up in. In fact, thanks to grandma’s urging, my own mother will even have intelligent discussions on religion with me now without getting offended at my criticisms of Christians and Catholics. Grandma once joked that every family needs a Pagan…and she was glad it was me. I really think it finally sunk in that I was a dad the day she was in Toronto visiting and held Aurora, still a babe in arms. The girls did come with me, to Calgary, for Grandma’s 90th birthday…their first flight and they did not know we were going until they woke up at 5am that morning.
I have also met two women friends online, Lee and Yota. They both may read this and shake their heads…I always imagine both of them would pat me on the head and send me out to play after that. Must admit that I have met Lee…but not Yota as, similar to when I posted about my friend Molly the other day, I cannot swim that far. Although I do hear that the Mediterranean is beautiful in the summer.
After my first divorce, my parents were the only people I had to talk to. My online persona developed after that…perhaps, even, from that. Lee and Yota, however, have no idea how they helped me after my second divorce. Though it took me a long time, these two helped me understand just how fucking stubborn I am…I was…not sure stubbornness is something that ever changes, but education can soften it, I hope. Both of these women have reminded me at one time or another that I have lost my focus on my girls…even if it was brief.
So, this Fathers Day I would like to thank all of these women.
I am a father. But without all of these women, I would not be the dad I am.
Love you all…now I will not be logging in during the day, today, as I am going to play with my kids. Being I have the long melancholy drive home after I drop them off this afternoon, well…I’ll try not to be too pathetic in my blubbering.
…and before anyone asks, I actually wrote this three days ago and scheduled it so I wouldn’t have to log in now. See, I am so smart! S-M-R-T…I mean S-M-A-R-T!