I really must stop posting from my big half empty bed…
…or is it half full?
Just finished an evening of episodes of The Muppet Show and seems as though I am back where I started this morning. Horny as hell, laying alone, and telling all you nice folk.
Admittedly, a touch more groggy and did have a beer (American beer, unfortunately), so the censor might be fucking off.
The best part about American beer is, similar to lite beer in the rest of the world, it only numbs the senses without dulling them…unless one has had 15-20 cans of Bud, that is. I have had one, but can still feel the numbness of it just at the edge.
It is a good way to lift the inhibitions and yet still taste her finer flavours when it comes time to please her. Start with the toes…I do so enjoy sucking toes…which is odd considering the state of my feet. I got my family’s hereditary gift of the hammer toe. Just fucking stay away, believe me.
Then there are her calves…better slightly fattened…and I know that sounds bad, but I am a firm believer that curves lead to more fun…and dogs prefer bones. Just my thing.
One of my favourite spots on a woman is behind the knee. No idea why, but the soft texture there is so perfect.
Then the thighs, of course, those quiet fleshy parts that are usually ignored when most guys dive for home plate without checking the third base couch for signals.
Been awhile since I mentioned how I love to mix metaphors.
This is where I skip a bit and move up on her…beginning with a kiss on her lips (face…get your mind out of the gutter…we’ll get there). I always like to give her clown nose a squeeze, and the ones that honk give me just that much more of a thrill.
Then the neck. Another favourite spot..plus good security check. I always check for two small punctures just to make sure she is not a vampyre. I search the neck intently with eyes and tongue.
The shoulders also need a proper search…vampyres might accidentally miss the neck. One can never be too safe.
Then it is time for the breast exam. Not enough women do this, so I am only too happy to assist. I get to know each breast intimately and make certain that any of the clown paint was not accidentally applied down there.
Bellybuttons are one of the most misunderstood parts of her body. If one was looking to get her heart…considering some doctors might fuck up the clamping of the umbilical cord, this is likely the patch of least resistance.
And remember, resistance is futile.
Next would be the hips…or for those preferring doggy style, the handles. A bit bony for my taste, but still, need that little check to make certain.
Finally, on to the best part…the most excellent place…the small of her back. Considering we were just talking doggy style, it is not much of a stretch to think she flipped over. That tender point on her back that just craves to be licked, prodded and expoliated.
At this point, you know she is begging for it. Crying for it. Screaming for it.
Time to break out the old Falco tunes and dance.
…See, I told you we would get to the gutter.
“Rock me, Amadeus!”