Photo by Mike McCaffrey
Photo by Mike McCaffrey

Welcome to Atlanta. I was there! I really was…but Eroticon USA was not…yet.

Every since hearing of Eroticon the first time I have been waiting to use the above reference to, of course, Douglas Adams and the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

I was already aiming at going to the UK for the conference next year…and with that cost it would have been a real piece of work to get there. Hearing the conference was coming to Atlanta…like comparing The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Encyclopedia Galactica…it will be slightly cheaper.

Photo by Nicholas "Lord Gordon"
Photo by Nicholas “Lord Gordon”

As I begin writing this I am on a US Airways flight en route home from Savannah, GA and I just happened to be rereading Adam’s original text. I was lucky enough to see the Atlanta airport on this trip on my flights down last Sunday. Impressive place…and a beautiful view of the city as my last connection to Savannah was lifting off.

Atlanta…this is your four-month warning. I am coming…and I will hopefully be bringing @strandedgf with me. Get out now, while you still can. Lock up your …um… well, wait until we get there and I will bring the restraints.

by Uppity Rib
by Uppity Rib

Just to explain, @strandedgf has quickly turned into the marketing arm I have not had. So much so that I feel like Zaphod Beeblebrox with his third arm…only she is much more useful and does not smack random Earthmen in bathrobes…unless they really ask nicely.

I sense a really bad euphemism on what I could do with a third arm. I could run with it here, but I am above that…

Mostly as, at 30,000 feet I’m above pretty much anything at the moment. That plus we have started to descend into Toronto and I do not want the flight crew screaming at me to “shut the fucking phone off!” …again.

We are currently bouncing in over Lake Ontario.

…and now we are on the ground.

Dr. Horrible by François P.
Dr. Horrible by François P.

No yelling this time. No cabin crew member turning red as I give them my patented blank stare, pretending not to hear them…just for comedy value, of course.

Odd, but they never find it funny. Especially the sky marshals…they have no sense of humor at all.

Where was I?

Um…freeze ray! No, that was not it…of course, Eroticon!

Captain Hammer by Tashikicky
Captain Hammer by Tashikicky

Being the accomplished novelist that I am (not), I am going for the sex appeal. Thinking I spend the next six months working out to the point my forearms are referred to as guns just so I can hopefully debut my newest tattoo at that point.

The fact the tattoo may not be on my shoulder is beside the point.

“The hammer is my penis.” – Captain Hammer, Dr.Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog

No, it will definitely not be on my penis…but you were wondering, were you not?

Zaphod Beeblebrox by Louise Dade
Zaphod Beeblebrox by Louise Dade

Yes, back to my mythical guns…then imagine I had the third arm!

I sense that I am now rambling and much off topic. But with the masturbation potential that would cum with a well muscled third arm, can you blame me?

Again, hopefully @strandedgf will be with me, so it will not have to cum to that.

I am, however, looking forward to the Grand Orgy that will follow Eroticon after…um…what’s that?

No scheduled orgy?

Can we schedule one?

Shit.

Can we dub our after…before…and during conference drinks as “The Grand Orgy” just so my readers think it was?

No?

Maybe I will just write about a fictitious one, making up different names and the people won’t know. Then again, that is a nothing special story for me. I could write that now.

Okay..okay..more serious (as if), I am really looking forward to Eroticon. In any form, it will be my first writing event…my first writing educational experience of a formal nature since university. This past week in Georgia intensified this excitement, oddly enough.

Now, I will ask you all to come just a bit closer now…gather around and keep your eyes open. Notice, nothing up my sleeve…someone will point out that I have no sleeves, but ignore them…it will likely be Signs, but don’t tell him about this.  I’m not certain he knows where his towel is, anyway…zarking frood.

Photo by cristiano corsini
Photo by cristiano corsini

So nothing up my sleeve…right now…

…but cum October, odds are good I will have something up there…something to show…something to announce.

In fact, imagine if someone combined such humor of the Hitchhiker’s trilogy in six parts…or was it 42?…with erotica.

Oh…the Vogonity of it all.

Well, imagine for now…and just be thankful I did not choose to use Repo! as my inspiration instead…

Just keep your eyes open…and join me at the Grand Orgy of minds that will be Eroticon in Atlanta.

by Edgar Barrera
by Edgar Barrera

We are hoping to be there Friday afternoon prior, so perhaps a *ahem* cocktail or two the evening before, if anyone cares to join us…imagine the stories…the laughs…the passers-by that we can make fun of…maybe we’ll even go hitchhiking.

And yes…I was rambling, I know.  Funny where the mind wanders when one is above the clouds and soaring with the ostriches…

Wait…something tells me I have that wrong and I suddenly want to stick my head in the sand.  Nope, that works, never mind.

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