Photo of a photo from Stallin's Yacht by crystalmartel, blowjobLet’s discuss head.

You know what I’m talking about. That bowling ball shaped thing, when shaved, that evolution created the neck to hold up. In fact, one could argue that the legs are simply there to increase head potency.

Of course Legs, by ZZ Top is now playing in my mind’s eye.

Okay, not the head we should actually be discussing at all.

No, no.

The type of head that must be discussed is one that is usually too taboo for anyone to find a “How to” book on.

You know what I’m talking about.

The type of head that usually makes the eyes, housed in that bowling ball that the neck holds in place, roll.

Yes, just imagine that sound he makes when it hits the back of the throat of the one giving head.

Okay, are we all on the same page yet?

Fellatio! Fellating the oh! The blowjob.

As Carlin once said, and I paraphrase, they only call it a “blowjob” so it sounds like too much work for conservatives. It is meant to scare off those that do not know how.

Of course, some will read this and blush. Others will read and be offended enough to want my posts censored for fear of their precious morality bursting. Then there are those that will nod knowingly.

Let us talk to this last group…although the blushers can still play along. Whether one that gets the blowjob or gives the blowjob…or one that does both…they are a wonderful thing.

Fellatio begins with exposure. The Penis, or the erection ginormous, must come out of its natural habitat. That natural habitat is generally known as the blue jeans or, by experts, as the bad lands. At first, it will be shy and groggy as it slouches and bends in attempts to hide from the air and warm breath of the one about to give head.

Then, however, it begins to like the warm and wet of the attention being provided. It grows, exposing its entire being to the tonsils of the head provider.

Things would be much more efficient were the erection ginormous trained better. It may require exposure to more tongues, perhaps even more at once to lick this problem.

Of course, this does not delve into the “how to” aspect of it yet.

So, how to fellate the oh?

Open the mouth. Lick the erection ginormous. Suck on the erection ginormous. Perhaps swallow what it has to offer, but that is a style and taste decision to be made by the one fellating the oh.

That’s it for the nuts and bolts of it.

The style is something that is learned through experience, not book teaching. Listening to the one receiving head is one very good way to learn what works…funny, the ears are not usually thought of as a sexual organ but think this is a discussion that must be joined at a later time.

Remember the rules, however…

The first rule of fellatio club is willing and knowledgeable consent by both (or all) parties involved.

The second rule of fellatio club is that there is no fellatio club…but perhaps we should start one.

So get out there and fellate the oh! Fellate it often!

And a reminder how we should all be thankful that, unlike canine males, human males cannot lick themselves Fellatio club would be unneeded, were that the case…never mind the fact that nothing would ever get done by about half of the population.

Not that masturbation is a bad thing, of course…but from a selfish male perspective, head is better.

Wicked Wednesday

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8 Comments

  1. “Listening to the one receiving head is one very good way to learn what works…funny, the ears are not usually thought of as a sexual organ but think this is a discussion that must be joined at a later time.” So brilliantly stated, couldn’t agree more.
    Quite entertainingly funny, though the only real advice is the piece from above. Love your wit

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