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It looks phallic enough; that’s for certain.

It’s dishwasher safe and, let’s be honest; there are very few real erections that are dishwasher safe. The possibility of drowning the owner is a very real concern.

It’s also got an impressive weight to it and, another benefit over the real thing, it won’t be going flaccid anytime soon. Like many men, you can see right through it. But, better than most men, with the weight it carries it could be used to defend one’s self in a home invasion.

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Quoting straight from the back of the package…

The hypoallergenic glass is nonporous and body safe, and when cared for properly, is designed to last a lifetime…

AKA, don’t drop it unless on some form of padded floor covering.

So what is this massager? This Icicle Hand Blown Glass Massager?

It’s a dildo. It’s a fucking glass dildo. It’s used to fuck someone when a real cock isn’t enough or isn’t an option. This is manufactured by Pipedream Products in Chatsworth, California and listed as No. 40 of this line of products. It was purchased during the grand opening of The Love Shop on street level upstairs from one of Toronto’s swinger clubs, Club M4, at 2814 Lake Shore Blvd W, Toronto.
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So, what are the critical points of a good dildo?

1. It stays hard…check!
2. The colour doesn’t mysteriously fade while in use…check!
3. Easy to clean. Assuming you have a dishwasher or maid service…check!
4. It is seen as a solid step to world peace. In my case, a happy wife means…check!

All jokes aside, being in the swinger lifestyle, one serious point. Never use anyone else’s toys without condoms.

This particular dildo was bought for Mrs. Stranded’s birthday. As soon as her pleasured moaning ends, she’ll give an assessment on the performance of this massager. Upon first picking it up, she gasped and told me she could be quiet while we research the uses of this finely sculpted item.

Of course, I laughed and cleared the bed for her splash zone.

It did handle very well.

Even before it was wet, it was gentle on her. Once it was wet, it stayed harder than the average cock obviously. It was also comfortable enough that she fell asleep with it in…not on purpose. We picked an exhausted night to try it. The fact that it could nestle inside her and twist was just a bonus. We did not attempt any hot/cold play with it, although I imagine it could be used that way with a handy bucket of ice.

Would we recommend? Absolutely. So absolutely that we may have to use it again this weekend after we visit M4.

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